Adulthood & Where Our Hobbies Lie
A collection of thoughts on a topic that crosses my mind quite often.
First off, I am twenty-two years old. I am still a child, so the topic of 'adulthood' is obviously something that I am not well versed in. I mean, I am an adult and I have done many 'adult' things. I have grown a lot since entering this thing called 'adulthood'. But I can't help but laugh a little when I hear people my age and younger than myself say things like "Well now that I'm an adult--". And not a laughing at them kind of way, but a "what even is that feeling anyway." Obviously my age is a factor in that but I see several of my friends in their mid to late twenties, and several in their thirties that feel the same way.
And I mean, that's because we're all still SO YOUNG. Your twenties to early thirties are just the beginning of adulthood. That's truly when you're 'figuring it out', which is a phrase I seldom like to use because really we never 'figure it out'. Whether 'it' is ourselves or life or our purpose. We're a constantly growing and changing force. But I suppose this time in life is when we're figuring out we would like 'it' to be, ideally. Or maybe that's just me. I'm a pretty idealistic person that way.
I've struggled a lot with feeling stuck between childhood and adulthood and how other people's perception of where they think I lie affects their interpretation of who I am. Mostly being that I am quite young and I present quite young, so my point of view has less validity. People who may not know me so well might see me as a girly, air-headed young lady who doesn't know much about anything. And while I certainly agree with those statements to an extent, I hate that I feel the need to justify that I have lived a little bit of life. I would argue that I have experienced more than most people my age. And I shouldn't have to do that, it feels even more childish to be like "Well ACTUALLY-". So more often than not I just refrain.
The things that I love, my hobbies and my interests, don't help my argument. Which is ridiculous. My reasons for loving the things that I do come from a very deep and meaningful place, but to those on the outside, I can see why it comes off as juvenile. Idols, girly fashion, figures, stuffed animals, cosplay, these are things that are often reserved for children (even in Japan). Of course these are only some of my interests, but these are that are at the forefront and in people's faces when they see my room or my appearance in general. And it paints a picture that I totally understand.
And because of the stereotypes and stigmas that are associated with the things that I enjoy, I have over time become very reserved about them. I don't discuss them in depth with people I know aren't interested or have never heard of it before. I get scared and worried that it will perpetuate the stereotype or give people the wrong impression of me. And it's so dumb. I totally realize this. Who cares what other people think? I love what I love and I honestly do love who I am. I feel like though, I'm in a constant circle of trying to convince other people that things I love are good and that I am also good. And I don't need to do that.
I'm trying really hard to break down this wall I built up. I know where it stems from. I, like literally everyone else on the planet, was bullied when I was younger for the things I liked. It became really ingrained in me that the things I liked were bad and no one else was interested in them. Listen, I feel like an outsider even in the convention and nerdy community because I have little interest in most popular anime, comic book movies, etc. I seriously don't mean this in a hipster-y way (ugh). But it's even hard for me to find my niches in the niche-est places.
I am proud of who I am and the woman I am turning into. I think that she will be great. I just really have to get past this mental block that I built up most likely off of things I made up in my own head (rather than what other people actually thought about me). I want to be proud of the things I love and the things I spend my time doing. When people ask me "what do you do in your free time?" I don't want to feel embarrassed to answer honestly. It's not like what I like is bad. It's just different than the norm for girls my age in the country I live. And that's okay! If people make their assumptions about me, that's on them.
Does any of this make sense? Do you feel or have you ever felt these things? Let's discuss! I'm not sure if the comment system works (I'm still new to this), but please tweet me or comment or any way to continue this discussion. ♥
Thank you for your support, because it helps me realize there others out there who love the things I do too.
Love & Stars,